This Just In: I’m a Whore and I Didn’t Even Know It
Just a piece of my "whore" outfit (on a store model - I don't have any pictures from that night)
This weekend, a man I’d never met on the street called me a whore.
I was walking home from a club with mostly female friends. Though I know I shouldn’t have to share this part, I was wearing a gray lace top tucked into a pink skirt; a matching pink bra and black flats completed the ensemble. Two men threw my group some comments, some of which we were talking through, and the others we ignored, finally telling the men to leave us alone. One of them looked me in eyes and said, “You’re a whore.” Satisfied and lauging to themselves, the two men walked by, and we continued to walk home.
My friends were kind while I was upset about it, but they didn’t really get it. They didn’t see why I had to “make a big deal” of these guys that I’ll never even see again. So why did it matter?
I was singled out. There are a few factors at play here – first, I was wearing the same exact outfit as two of my (much thinner) friends in slightly different colors, so the translation of this comment is now, “That outfit on your disgusting body should make you feel the shame women feel when they don’t fit into society’s standards of what is appropriate for women.” Additionally, this man knew he couldn’t take on a group of us, so he made the wise decision to choose the one who seemed to have the least shame for making her own choices to put her in her place, and he deemed that person to be me.
He intended the comment as a threat. In the two seconds it took for the men to cease hitting on the group and begin shaming me, he decided it was problematic that I didn’t “just take it” and tried to make sure I would next time. A simple “you’re a whore” does more than place judgement and shame upon me; it says that the speaker beleieves I should be treated like a “whore” is treated, reminded us that we felt a little too safe being ourselves, and that continued violence against women, especially against women in sex work, is a-ok and should or will happen to me if I don’t just shut up and accept his patriarchy next time.
He did it in front of other men and found the validation he was looking for. Men on balconies were calling out to us and whistling at us minutes before, and these same men witnessed the incident and not only remained silent, but seemed to support their actions. This validation from other men said that street harassment is fine, funny, and a way to bond with other men.
Rush Limbaugh and Sandra Fluke
Upon reflecting, I am reminded of when Rush Limbaugh called Sandra Fluke a slut for advocating to keep contraceptive under the umbrella of preventative care, making it free with insurance coverage. I’m reminded of this because, though Sandra Fluke and I were advocating for different things in different ways, men with privelege used the same tactics to silence us, and for the same reasons. Rush singled her out, despite the millions of others advocating for the same thing. He intended his comment as a threat: a threat to her credibility, a threat to her argument, and a threat to the equal access towards which she was working. His attempt to silence her was, in essence, a “Shut up or else.” Finally, Rush did it in front of other men, and though he sort of apologized a little after more than a dozen advertisers pulled from his show, he received validation from countless men who made this comment commonplace and its message consistent and powerful.
In addressing congressional leaders, Sandra Fluke said,
“Because we spoke so loudly, opponents of reproductive health access demonized and smeared me and others on the public airwaves. These smears are obvious attempts to distract from meaningful policy discussions and to silence women’s voices … These attempts to silence women and the men who support them have clearly failed. I know this because I have received so many messages of support from across the country…”
So when I think about this micro issue, a man on the street trying to shut me up because my friends and I asked them to leave us alone instead of shrinking in agreement that I am insignificant, I remember that I’m not alone. I am standing beside all of the Sandra Flukes. I am standing beside every woman who has been silenced (or almost silenced) by a stranger in the street with a harassing comment. I am standing beside all the women who have contributed to Hollaback, including my completely supportive Hollaback! Boston team.
So keep speaking up. Keep refusing to remain silent. Keep submitting your stories.
Have a great (harassment-free) week!
Angela
One Response
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Angela-
I just wanted you to know that I read this the night before I took the bar exam when I was feeling really nervous. It gave me such a surge of energy to see you draw the connections between what I experienced and what women experience in street harassment on a daily basis. I hope that your blog will give other women the courage to hollaback!
-Sandra