The Bystander Approach

Days like today, I really wish we had overcome the glitch in our WordPress theme that prevents us from embedding video. (We haven’t – yet.)

Yesterday, Hollaback! Boston team member Jane shared Violence & Silence, a TEDx talk by Jackson Katz, on her personal facebook account – and it’s so worth a watch. Katz makes plenty of excellent points, but I especially enjoyed his discussion of reframing our victim v. perpetrator binary, establishing “the bystander approach,” in which anyone who is not a victim or perpetrator in a given moment is instead a bystander, regardless of gender, presentation, sexuality, history or relation to those involved.

Click through for the full video on YouTube – you won’t be disappointed.

–Kate

image credit: TEDx, via Upworthy

Introducing: Holly!

“Introducing” is an ongoing series in which we ask bloggers, activists, allies, entrepreneurs and assorted Bostonians about their inspirations, motivations, super powers and experiences with street harassment. If you know someone you think we should feature here, please drop us a line!

Holly is the imagination behind Holly Dolly, and a corresponding Etsy shop; for even more from Holly, hop over to instagram, pinterest and twitter. Enjoy!

You blog over at Holly Dolly, and have an Etsy shop filled with amazing bows – tell us more. What else are you into? I went to school for fashion and love to sew. I’ve been making a lot of handmade clothes for myself lately, in addition to the jewelry and accessories that I sell in my shop. It’s been a lot of fun!

Define your style: A bit all over there. A little girly, a little hipster, a little quirky.

Favorite Boston fact: Boston is home to the first public park and the first subway system.

Your favorite place in Boston? I really love my neighborhood – Davis Square. But my Husband I also love to spend a warm day walking through the North End and along the Battery Wharf Harborwalk.

Have you experienced/witnessed street harassment in Boston? What stood out most in your memory? Taking my outfit photos in public places, I have experienced it here and there. Most recently, I was taking some photos of my outfit in the North End, when a car full of young guys drove by. One of the guys rolled down the window, and screamed at me – “take a picture of my d**k.” I mean, seriously?!

What’s your signature response to street harassment – your go-to Hollaback? Typically, just a glare and look of incredible disgust, accompanied by an “ew” or “how disgusting.”

Your superpower is… Speed sewing.

What are you excited about in 2013? I have a bunch of friends getting married in 2013. So I’m excited for lots of parties, good food, and the best company!

What inspires you? All the amazing girls (and guys, too!) That I’ve met through the Boston blogging community. Everyone is so supportive!

If you could leave the world one piece of advice, what would it be? Always be true to yourself! And never let anyone change you or define you.

Thanks, Holly!

image credit: Holly Dolly Blog

Tis the Season to Hollaback!

I love summer! I love the warmth, I love the sunshine, I love summertime activities, and I love the fashion. What I don’t love is street harassment, but as I’m sure many of you know, incidents tend to increase in the summer. As more people are outside for longer periods of time in the summer, it seems that every time I leave my house to enjoy the warm temperature or simply to walk to work, I have to prepare myself for street harassment. Having to think about street harassment every day before I leave my house is not fair, and it is not something I want to do when I have a million other things on my mind.

Yesterday I experienced my first warm weather street harassment of the year. I want to take back the summer. I want to wear weather appropriate clothing (or any clothing, really) without having to deal with harassers leering and making comments about my body. I don’t need harassers forcing themselves into my daily life; I have enough on my mind, and I can tell you that whatever I’m thinking about is more important than trying to figure out if the outfit I want to wear is going to result in street harassment, or if I should take a different route home because I’m afraid of crossing paths with potential harassers. Street harassment sucks, and I’m not going to let it ruin summer for me. This summer I’m going to write about it, I’m going to spread awareness, and I’m going to hollaback!

- Devon

Storytelling to Change the World

Happy Friday!

Before you go about your weekend, stop by Jamie Peck’s spring street harassment reminder at The Gloss, watch the moving This Is My Body, read a teen’s take on street harassment, brush up on why criminalization is not the answer, and consider stopping by the City Heart art show to benefit homeless and low-income artists in Boston this weekend.

And, for a reminder of why sharing your stories of street harassment – no matter how mundane – is important, read Cary Carr’s take on why silence won’t help, and check out this graphic based on the research of Hollaback!’s own Jill Dimond (click through to view full size):

Have a lovely weekend!

–Kate

image credit: Hollaback!

Pedalling a Pick Up Line

Yesterday, The Boston Occupier had a What Would Wanna Say column regarding cyclist machismo and street harassment on two wheels. (It’s a good read, you should check it out!)

I’ve written about my own experiences with harassment as a cyclist before, repeatedly, but as I read Wanna’s piece I couldn’t help but recall an incident that occurred years ago, before Hollaback! was on my radar at all – and it seemed only fitting to share.

My daily commute takes me through Chinatown, via Kneeland Street. On the day in question, it was warm – early summer – and still light when I left work to ride to JP to meet friends. I stopped at a light on Kneeland, and heard another bike stop behind me. When the light changed and traffic started moving, I found myself momentarily overtaken by a man on an ill-fitting mountain bike, pedalling madly and swerving into traffic to stay beside me.

“Where are you off to?” he wanted to know; I declined to share. “Aw, come on – can’t I ride with you?”

I asked if he could keep up; he assured me he could even as his speech became staggered between breaths.

“I’m not slowing down,” I warned. “I’m running late…”

“Why you gotta be like that, bitch?”

And then, the part that is always my favorite by bike: the getaway. Like the cyclist in Wanna’s column, I was equipped with a much more efficient machine; on a mountain bike next to my fixed gear, he didn’t have a hope of keeping up for long. I knew this, so I felt safe enough. I was amused as he ate my dust, not angry as I often am after a harassment incident. He, however, was angrier than some harassers as I left him behind rather than silently trudging past – there’s something to that machismo, the rage that the loss of the position of power brings out when “beaten by a girl.”

We always love to hear your stories, but on the first day of National Bike Month I’m feeling especially partial to fellow cyclists’ tales – tell us, what’s your best bike v. harasser win?

–Kate

image credit: Nathaniel Fink for Cycle Style Boston

Stand Up, Speak Out

So far, 2013 has been a very good year for Hollaback! Boston in terms of speaking engagements and opportunities to connect offline – and we couldn’t be more grateful!

Up next, we’ll be joining Fenway Health and IMPACT Boston next Thursday, May 9 for a workshop to empower, engage and enlighten. Britni and I will be offering advice for bystander intervention and responding to harassment, and IMPACT will serve up some self-defense tips.

Check out the Facebook event for details and to RSVP. We can’t wait – please join us!

–Kate

image credit: Fenway Health

Would you like Hollaback! Boston to speak to your class, group, or at an upcoming event? We can offer an introduction to street harassment, a breakdown of why street harassment is problematic, and tips for responding and bystander intervention, geared to a variety of audiences. Get in touch!

Introducing: L!

“Introducing” is an ongoing series in which we ask bloggers, activists, allies, entrepreneurs and assorted Bostonians about their inspirations, motivations, super powers and experiences with street harassment. If you know someone you think we should feature here, please drop us a line!

“L” is a friend of Hollaback! Boston who blogs anonymously at 5 Cities 6 Women, and preferred to share her experiences under her blogging initial as well. Here’s the scoop.

Tell us about yourself – what are you into? I am a thirty-something librarian/archivist who enjoys good old school punk rock, fixing up my house, hanging out with my dog, husband, and friends. I also enjoy cooking, good scotch, and a healthy debate. I do not sew, knit, or craft, and am happy with this fact. I do excel in sarcasm and am not afraid to clobber people at Trivial Pursuit. I also enjoy the use of oxford commas.

Define your style: Classic with a twist. I like to surprise people. It keeps life interesting. My greatest fear might be that I would be considered boring and unfunny.

Favorite Boston fact: The Boston Massacre happened because a wig apprentice called out a British lieutenant because he had not paid his master’s bill. For real.

Your favorite place in Boston? Tough one but probably Salem Street in the North End. Katie [of 5 Cities 6 Women] and I lived in the North End for three years and there is something about the area that reminds me of being young and having barely any responsibility.

Have you experienced/witnessed street harassment in Boston? What stood out most in your memory? I have – mostly jeers and callouts. I do remember rocking a pair of awesome striped dickies (the pants not the fake turtleneck thingy) and some guy and his friends making fun of me in Fanueil Hall. I turned around and then lectured these young men on various fashions over time. I basically just talked over him until he shut up and backed away. Basically I convinced him that not only was I slightly crazy…I was a know-it-all as well.

What’s your signature response to street harassment – your go-to Hollaback? Depends on the situation but usually a four letter word accompanied by how proud their mother must be that they learned to not drink out of the toilet.

Your superpower is… I am extremely good at finding my car in crowded parking lots.

What are you excited about in 2013? Possibly getting rid of the lovely floral linoleum tile in our kitchen and putting hardwood down. Living in the suburbs has mellowed me a bit apparently.

What inspires you? My awesome friends both female and male. Smart people who take chances and call others out on bullshit. And a really good soft serve sundae.

If you could leave the world one piece of advice, what would it be? Do the best that you can every day and if someone complains, smile gracefully and think, fuck ‘em.

Thank you, L!

Responses to the Shit Men Say in Defense of Street Harassment

This is cross-posted from the original post at the Brooklyn Movement Center by Marly Pierre-Louis.

During our Anti-Street Harassment chalk party last week, Anthonine and I spoke to guys, young and old about why it’s wrong to harass women in the streets. It was both entertaining and sobering to hear the many different ways they defended their right to engage in this behavior. More importantly however, it was enlightening. It made it clear that there is a huge disconnect on what is and isn’t appropriate language to use with strangers. Men seemed genuinely shocked and confused that the way they spoke to women in the streets was considered harassment. It made it clear that we have our work cut out for us and that ongoing inter-gender and intergenerational dialogue must be the cornerstone of our anti-street harassment work. This article is an attempt to address that confusion.

Almost every man we spoke to felt the remarks made to women in the streets were “harmless” and were an attempt at being neighborly. When we asked whether they were similarly neighborly to other men, their defense fell apart. They pointed out the absurdity of infringing on someone’s personal space in public in that way. Yet when we pointed out that these gender-based unsolicited remarks are street harassment by definition, they adamantly disagreed. While they were difficult, we realized that each one of these conversations was a step towards a harassment free neighborhood.

Here are a few of the most common arguments we heard and how you can break them down.

1. Relax! It’s just a compliment.

Merriam-Webster defines compliment as “an expression of esteem, respect, affection or admiration; a formal and respectful recognition.” There is nothing respectful about commenting on a woman’s ass; nothing affectionate about staring at her breasts. Things like “Hey beautiful” or “Hey Sexy” are no better. Commenting on a complete stranger’s features is NOT a compliment.

By remarking on a woman’s body parts you’re not only sexualizing her as a collection of parts rather than a whole person, you’re also fucking up her day. It does not feel good to be consistently and persistently sexualized on my way to the grocery store or to pick up my son. We’re not here for your inspection. We didn’t ask for your opinion on our appearance. This is not a car show and I’m not here for your viewing.

2. Seriously though, women should smile! It makes the world a nicer place.

As my colleague, Anthonine Pierre, eloquently wrote, “We are women who, like men, are just going about our lives and are not particularly interested in walking around wearing inane grins for the sake of entertaining our male neighbors and random strangers.” Women are expected to walk through space embodying a feminized gender representation that conforms to patriarchal ideals. The idea that women should be constantly pleasant and always smiling, lest they be considered bitchy is oppressive and frankly, tired.  You don’t know me, or my life. You don’t know where I’ve been or where I’m going. We’re not dolls damnit.

3. Ya’ll are just being way too sensitive.

Seriously? No, being harassed doesn’t feel good, but this isn’t about feelings. The charge of sensitivity is particularly frustrating when it’s used against women. It’s the same ole’ bullshit sexism of women being overly emotional and weak. Men have the privilege of taking street harassment lightly. One in five women will be the victim of an attempted or completed rape in their lifetimes. Rapists have admitted to using street harassment as a form of “rape testing”. They harass a woman and then decide whether or not to rape her based on how she responds.

The average man does not walk around afraid of being grabbed, followed or attacked. The average man is not considered open and available for public consumption and critique.

4. What’s wrong with saying “good morning”?

There is nothing wrong with saying “good morning”. Unfortunately, 5 minutes before you said good morning, another man commented on my ass… and 5 minutes before that another man followed me in his car, and last week, I said “good morning” to a man on my block and he followed up by commenting on my breast… also last month a man grabbed my butt as I walked to the train… etc. etc. etc. Try to understand that this is not about your attempt to be polite. Women are at war in these streets.

We have no way of knowing what a simple, innocent, ” good morning” will lead to. On the spectrum of sexual violence, rape lies on one end and street
harassment on the other.  While much less severe, it leaves emotional scars on those who bear it on a regular basis. Misogynistic and sexually explicit language perpetuates rape culture. Black women’s’ bodies, in particular, have been hyper-sexualized for hundreds of years. We have to protect ourselves. Sometimes we appreciate the “good morning”, but not the “baby” that follows. And, sometimes, we just don’t want to be bothered. And that should be okay. But so many times it’s not.

5. But I’m one of the good guys!

Men are often quick to declare how wack rape and sexual assault is as a way to distance themselves from the “bad” behavior of other men. We appreciate your empathy. But it’s just not that simple. This is not about good or bad people. Calling a woman you don’t know “baby” or “sweetie” contributes to rape culture. It perpetuates the idea that women’s bodies are open for inspection and commentary.

To be clear, this is not about demonizing men. On the contrary, we want nothing more than to feel safe and supported by the men in our community. In addition, we recognize the history and struggle our men have had with the police state and have no interest in criminalizing them further. This is why dialogue and community building is such an important part of this work. Ending street harassment and transforming our community will be an ongoing struggle. We must begin to dialogue with our male neighbors and dismantle the thinking that normalizes this behavior and makes it a rite of passage for our youth.

image credits: Brooklyn MC

The Everyday Sexism Project

Yesterday, we shared a link to a PolicyMic article regarding the launch of a US version of the global Everyday Sexism Project, a site aiming to provide an outlet for victims of sexism – mundane, daily incidents or outrageous – to anonymously share their experiences with the world.

At its core, the Everyday Sexism Project shares quite a bit with Hollaback!: an emphasis is placed on sharing day to day experiences, sparking discussions and confirming that the problem does exist outside victims’ imaginations. Says London-based founder Laura Bates, “You can’t tackle an invisible problem … we need to get more communities mobilized and to get women, through a sense of solidarity, to realize that they can be supported if they have the courage to speak up.”

Here, here! We wanted to know more, so we reached out to Laura with some questions, and she gave us the scoop:

You started the Everyday Sexism Project, and it’s gone international – tell us more. What else are you into? Well, we’ve received 25,000 entries from women all over the world, including recently a huge number of kick ass success stories from women who stood up to harassment or sexism as a result of reading the project and realising they didn’t have to put up with it. We’re also really into education and outreach, so doing a lot of work in schools and universities exploring and questioning these issues with young people before they become too normalised and ingrained.

Define your style: Feminism with humour

Your superpower is… Speaking with the voice of 25,000 women!

What are you excited about in 2013? The brilliant film being made about the Everyday Sexism Project by a BAFTA winning director as part of Chime for Change!

What inspires you? Every woman who finds her own individual way of standing up, whether it’s posting her story on our website, printing off her employer’s sexual harassment policy and distributing it to every desk in her workplace, or standing up for a friend. And I’m also incredibly inspired every time a woman posts her experience to our Twitter feed to see the amazing solidarity of the hundreds of women who contact her and offer their support.

Have you experienced/witnessed street harassment? What stood out most in your memory? Being grabbed hard from behind by a boy pushing his hand up between my legs. The feeling of being dirty and violated for days afterwards and the idea that he probably forgot about it before he turned the corner.

What’s your signature response to street harassment – your go-to Hollaback? You know what’s really sexy about men who shout at women in the street?… Nothing.

If you could leave the world one piece of advice, what would it be? Look after one another. It can be the hardest thing in the world in the moment of suffering harassment to speak up – victims can be frozen, ashamed, afraid. But so often, we hear that there were other people around who didn’t do anything, who looked out of the window of the bus or walked on by. If each one of those people stopped and stepped in when they saw street harassment happening then they might find there was someone there to watch their back next time too. I really believe we just need to keep people thinking about it, to create a cultural shift away from the normalisation that currently allows the problem to flourish.

The US site of the Everyday Sexism Project is up and running, and the Project is present in 15 other countries around the world – for more background, we highly recommend the PolicyMic piece. Submit your own story of sexism in daily life, and follow the Project on twitter; while you’re at it, share your street harassment experiences, too.

Laura, thank you so much for your time, insight, and all that you do!

–Kate

image credit: Hollaback! Boston (Kate Ziegler)

Chalk Walk to #EndSH

In all of the emotion and excitement of last week, I never got to pour over the pictures I took during our Anti-Street Harassment Week chalk walk in Christopher Columbus Park – which is a shame, because they’re fun!

Photos are up on Facebook – go take a look, and tag yourself and your artwork if you were able to join us! Big thanks to those who came out, and to the Rose Kennedy Greenway for giving us honest-to-goodness permission to chalk; not all HOLLA sites are so fortunate.

And another thing: the Hollaback! Boston team would really love to sponsor a float in the 2013 Boston Pride Parade on June 8, but we need your help! Can you spare a few bucks to help us take to the streets before registration fees rise on May 1? Thank you!

–Kate

image credit: Hollaback! Boston (Kate Ziegler)